Drained

It has been almost a week since I have been on - -which I think is a record. Last week my Great Aunt passed away (she was like my Grandmother growing up) and yesterday was her funeral. We had to be up around 5:30 a.m. yesterday to get ready and leave in time to be in Jackson by 9:30a.m . It was only an hour drive, but the weather was terrible, raining cats and dogs. So it was a extremely long, emotional, tiring, draining day. We didn't get home till after 11:00pm since we stayed longer to visit with family.

I had been asked if I wanted to say anything during the funeral. I normally do not like speaking in front of people at all, actually I hate it. I remember taking speech class and just thinking I was going to die if I had to get up in front of people and talk. But it got better as the class went on and while I still do not like to do it, I can if I have to. So I prepared something and did get up and speak. I knew it would mean a lot to my Mom, so that was one of the main reasons why I did it. She was so glad I did. When I have more time, I may share what I said. It will also be a good way for me to make sure I never lose it either.

Funerals are always SO draining and well - really just exhausting. I wish I was able to just stay home today in my P.J.'s but I have class then work. I am off tomorrow, which is good, but I have a HUGE test I must study for, so it wont really be a "day off."

Last night when I got in bed I just felt like crying. Just from all of the emotions of the day and closing a chapter of a life. It was also emotional because of some tension in my family that has been there for a few years amongst my Mom and some of her siblings. I think most of them were able to move past some things. There has been some division in our family and I haven't been as close to some of my cousins as I once was,which makes me really sad. It was really good to see all of them yesterday and be there and comfort each other. It's bittersweet how it takes a death to bring people together - but it is a good thing too. So not only was the actual loss of my Aunt and the funeral draining, but the thoughts and sadness of the tension that has been in my family was also very emotional for many of us. I couldn't stop thinking about it all last night and it really made me have a heavy heart and I just wanted to cry myself to sleep. I did a little.

I pray things will get better with my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. I don't know if things will ever be "the same", but I guess we can only hope. There is nothing worse when there is division and tension in a family! Family should stick together and be there for each other through thick and thin!!

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm sorry if my posts have been kind of "blah" lately, but sometimes that's just the way life is. And I'd be lying if I got on here and acted things were all hunky dory! But tomorrow is another day and as Thanksgiving is approaching - I know I have SO much to be thankful for!!!