Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Drained


It has been almost a week since I have been on - -which I think is a record. Last week my
Great Aunt passed away (she was like my Grandmother growing up) and yesterday was her funeral. We had to be up around 5:30 a.m. yesterday to get ready and leave in time to be in Jackson by 9:30a.m . It was only an hour drive, but the weather was terrible, raining cats and dogs. So it was a extremely long, emotional, tiring, draining day. We didn't get home till after 11:00pm since we stayed longer to visit with family.

I had been asked if I wanted to say anything during the funeral. I normally do not like speaking in front of people at all, actually I hate it. I remember taking speech class and just thinking I was going to die if I had to get up in front of people and talk. But it got better as the class went on and while I still do not like to do it, I can if I have to. So I prepared something and did get up and speak. I knew it would mean a lot to my Mom, so that was one of the main reasons why I did it. She was so glad I did. When I have more time, I may share what I said. It will also be a good way for me to make sure I never lose it either.

Funerals are always SO draining and well - really just exhausting. I wish I was able to just stay home today in my P.J.'s but I have class then work. I am off tomorrow, which is good, but I have a HUGE test I must study for, so it wont really be a "day off."

Last night when I got in bed I just felt like crying. Just from all of the emotions of the day and closing a chapter of a life. It was also emotional because of some tension in my family that has been there for a few years amongst my Mom and some of her siblings. I think most of them were able to move past some things. There has been some division in our family and I haven't been as close to some of my cousins as I once was,which makes me really sad. It was really good to see all of them yesterday and be there and comfort each other. It's bittersweet how it takes a death to bring people together - but it is a good thing too. So not only was the actual loss of my Aunt and the funeral draining, but the thoughts and sadness of the tension that has been in my family was also very emotional for many of us. I couldn't stop thinking about it all last night and it really made me have a heavy heart and I just wanted to cry myself to sleep. I did a little.

I pray things will get better with my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. I don't know if things will ever be "the same", but I guess we can only hope. There is nothing worse when there is division and tension in a family! Family should stick together and be there for each other through thick and thin!!

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm sorry if my posts have been kind of "blah" lately, but sometimes that's just the way life is. And I'd be lying if I got on here and acted things were all hunky dory! But tomorrow is another day and as Thanksgiving is approaching - I know I have SO much to be thankful for!!!


7 comments:

Lacy Bunny said...

So sorry about your loss. I'll keep you in my prayers!

((((Hugs)))

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. And while most of my family is super close, we do have some division, and it just isn't right. I know how it feels. I hope everything gets better soon.

Kara said...

Again, so sorry to hear of your loss.

I completly understand what you mean about divisions in families. My husband and I deal with this in his family. It is emotionally and mentally draining for me when go visit with my in-laws.

Hang there girl! I'm praying for you!

Llama said...

Sweetie...I just wanted to tell you again how sorry I am. I think it is so wonderful that you said something, it is a wonderful way for you to honor her memory. Just know that it is ok to be sad, just surround yourself with people who love you and that loved her and you will make it through this tough time.

Jen said...

So sorry about your loss...

Ashley said...

Linz, you are so strong! I am so proud of you! And it's totally okay to have those "blah" feelings! I have them all the time.. it's so nice to have the blog to be able to vent & just have a diary of your thoughts. That is one of the main reasons I do it. I definetely have those days where I just have NO courage to even get on here and tell people that I want to kill someone, ha! Stupid hormones!

I miss you so bad. I know you haven't felt like talking much & more than anything been supser bogged down with school, work, family stuff, just life! But feel free to call me when you have time, I am here for you!

I love you, and thanks for being such an honest person on here, thats why you are my best friend......

"This too shall pass" . . .

In this wonderful life... said...

SO sorry for your loss! hope you are doing okay. xoxo