Frustrating Pain

Ok, so I am SO frustrated tonight! I went to work this afternoon because I was closing the store tonight, and I packed my gym clothes because I had planned on going to the gym when I got off at 8. On the way to work I noticed that my mid back was really bothering me, more on the left side. It kind of felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. Throughout the afternoon it got worse and by the end of the my time at work I was really hurting! So I had to scratch the gym idea - which really made me mad because I REALLY need to go! I feel like every time I start to get on track and in a routine of going to the gym again, something happens which messes up my enthusiastic, ready to hit the gym mood! 

I have gained 20 lbs since my wedding (over a year and a half ago) and I am so disgusted with myself and not being able to get in the gym when I plan to is even more frustrating. I have got to do something to get back to the weight I need to be. I don't eat junk and for the most part feel like I watch what I eat. So I think my thing is that I don't get exercise or work out like I used to. I used to go 3 to 5 times a week every week and it showed.  Not to mention the fact that my husband is a personal trainer (he's not doing any training now though) and he goes to the gym 5 days a week. You think that would motivate me, huh? It's not that I have just been too lazy to go, but the last year it has been so hard to find the time and energy to go when I worked full time and went to school full time. I had no free time to go. So I think that's what really messed me up. But I'm going to try to do something about it. Mike doesn't care and loves me just the way I am and I know he always will. I love that he is like that, but I want to get fit and lose the weight for myself. I feel better and happier when I am a certain size and I am not feeling so good about it now.  So tonight I just feel really frustrated because I was so looking forward to going to the gym tonight and burning some calories, but instead I'm laying in the bed on my butt because my back is messed up! uugghhhhh! I hope it feels better tomorrow so I can go to the gym! And I hope and pray that I can get back to they way I was before my wedding, and back to a size I feel best at. It's not fun feeling bad about yourself, un - attractive. and not as confident as you once did. But I am the only one that can change that, and I know it. So I pray for the strength and will power to do it!!